Your new weather god requests you spend snow days better

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10408555_10203911025883650_7891426528030336272_nBy: JIM IRIZARRY

Last week, IU South Bend once again found itself falling victim to the erratic Midwestern weather pattern known as “winter.”

I find this ironic because one of the big selling points (if you can call them that) when I was looking at going back to school was that “IUSB never closes for snow.”

I did not know that I was bestowed such weather-altering powers upon acceptance to this fine institution, but here we are.

If you were looking for someone to thank for IUSB closing due to the weather, thank me. I am apparently a god of the weather. I will happily accept your thanks in the form of delicious, homemade Toll House cookies, fresh from the oven. None of that premade dough in a tube, either. Gods such as myself do not take kindly to such things.

As I await your semi-sweet chocolatey gifts of thanks, I can’t help but think that this student body is not properly taking advantage of “an off day.”

I know that midterms have already started for some of you, and you need to study. I know that a good portion of you also have jobs that you’re using to help pay your way through school.

However, my fellow gods tell me that these free mental health days have not been used to their fullest advantage. So, instead of smiting all of you, I offer up these suggestions to you with the hope that you take advantage of the next snow day at IUSB.


  1. Call off of work for one stinking day.

My snow day on Thursday would have been great if it wasn’t for the fact that I still had to be at work at 8 am that day. I’m still kicking myself for not loading up the fake cough and calling in. I EVEN HAD THE SICK TIME! OH, WHAT A FOOL I’VE BEEN!


  1. Find a friend with four-wheel drive and head for the slopes.

Some of you fancy yourselves the next Shaun White when it comes to snowboarding. Well, how many more times are you going to have this winter to load up the Jeep and leave your mark on some fresh powder? Plus, you need the practice if you’re going to be the next Shaun White. The Flying Tomato stopped falling on the bunny hill. You should, too.


  1. Netflix and chill.

That’s right. Use this time to get caught up on a show that you’ve been meaning to watch. For me, it’s “The Flash.” This would also be a good time to watch “The Wolf of Wall Street” for the eleventh time, even if it’s just for the scene where Jordan and Donnie are just getting to know each other for the first time. You’re going to need that time later when the next season of “House of Cards” drops. (That IS what ‘Netflix and chill’ means, right?)


  1. Improve your culinary skills.

Use this time to figure out how to properly use a toaster oven to cook a frozen pizza without setting off the smoke detector. Besides, you have delicious, homemade Toll House cookies to make.


  1. Get caught up on some studying.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Sorry, faculty.


  1. Remind yourself that Spring Break starts March 12.

Avoid the next possible blizzard by booking a trip to Florida. If there’s one thing Florida is good at this time of year, it’s sunshine and warmth. And weirdos in knee-high socks trampling all over the beach with metal detectors trying to find Ponce de Leon’s treasure. Gramps needs your help sifting through all that sand.


  1. Relax.

Seriously, just take a deep breath and enjoy some off time. I was able to influence El Niño to lay off with the warm fronts from the South for a couple of days this year. Don’t make me regret it.


Jim Irizarry does not really think he is some sort of weather-changing god, but he would like some cookies. Set up a time to deliver some to him at

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