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Dear Titan

Dear Titan,

   I know it is a strange circumstance, but my ex-boyfriend from high school is my best friend. He has been there for me through everything and really the only reason we broke up is because we graduated in different years. He’s changed a lot since my parents last saw him – tattoos and piercings – so I’m worried that they won’t accept him if I get back together with him. Would it be okay to get back together with my ex? What should I do about my parents?

   – Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Many people face this dilemma with best friends and exes and question if it is a wise decision to bring the past back into their lives. So before you make any decisions, you should ask yourself a few questions, weigh your options and answer them honestly.

First, I would contemplate why you got together and why you broke up in the first place. You mentioned being in different classes and that can make maintaining relationships difficult, but the good news is you haven’t grown apart, and he’s been able to remain a loyal friend to you.

Sometimes we jump into relationships, especially in high school, before the maturity level is really there to handle a serious relationship. Other times we realize that dating puts too much of a strain on your friendship and decide you are better off as just friends. So if the reason you decided to call things off back then was due to timing, maturity and just not really knowing what you wanted I would say enough time has passed, you have been able to grow together, and now might be a good time to have the official relationship conversation.

Now when it comes to parents it is hard to predict how they will react to your relationship status. Everyone wants to impress his or her parents by bringing home a model citizen with ambition who loves and respects their child. So in your case they may not initially be impressed by his tattoos and piercings. However, once they really get to know him and see all he does for you and how much he means to you, hopefully they will look past his appearance and realize how important it is for you both to have their support.

Try not to get discouraged if this does not happen overnight. No parent wants to see their child settle, and no matter how adult and mature you may be they will always see you as their child who needs protection. In essence it is every parent’s job to be skeptical of who their child decides to date, to get to know them better and then decide if they think you are in a healthy relationship.

So be sure to think about why you called things off in the past, what has changed since then, how long you are willing to put up with your parent’s opinions, and if it is worth risking your friendship in order to take a chance on a serious relationship.

Best,

Titan

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